The adage ‘forgive and forget’ rings clearly but how easy is it in reality? I have heard it a thousand times… tried it over and over the years… but have not found it easy to do.
Last weekend I had a revelation around forgiveness. I am propelled to share as it was profound… to reflect, acknowledge it wholeheartedly and forgive. Time for me to forgive others for their mistakes and be prepared to forgive thyself too.
Reflect. Acknowledge. Forgive.
Reflecting on mistakes, my mind wandered through many years of my life. Gee there are lots of adventures, mishaps, mistakes, mis-understandings, what I have regretted, the people I have hurt, the pain I have felt, the beliefs I’ve held and expressed openly & strongly... I scanned through my life, like quickly flicking the pages of a book or camera reel....going through different situations, different people, different phases in my life and feeling into what went wrong (mixed with Catholic guilt!). Of course, I would never intentionally hurt anyone, but I know I have. When you have a strong personality… you know the type… independent, determined, "full-on", candid, confident, opinionated... great attributes however there is the flipside. For some, we are too intense… people feel crushed and fall away. Sitting still and really feeling into past misdemeanours I felt deeply sad realising I have hurt people. The tears flowed.
Now I am acknowledging what has passed. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?
Honesty, openness, and transparency are amongst my highest values. As I age, I want to evolve emotionally, adopting new thoughts to live lighter and be more mindful of others, possibly saying a whole lot less.
The longer I pondered, and kept writing I came to realise one of my big mistakes (recurring mistake) is believing ‘something or many things are wrong’. I can be very expressive and emotional about what I have perceived to not be right. It is the mental game. I go down the ‘rabbit hole’ and run away with my thoughts and reasons that spiral out of control and have me feeling threatened, unworthy and/or scared. The level of despair varies, often putting me in a state (often void of any reasoning) and not in a good frame of mind or state of being.
Now that I have come to this realisation, I hope I can catch myself and not go there.
This realisation also gave me the chance to be very ‘real’ with my family. With my new found clarity I wanted them to hear what I was writing about - acknowledging how I process my tears, emotions & feelings. Explaining the purpose and value of my tears (to release the hurt) and how I need to spend quiet time with myself even though I may be upset and unable to explain why. They were attentive as I acknowledged how individually they demonstrate their sensitivities and concern towards me - different - equally valued and appreciated by me. They heard me speak differently…
Calmly with clarity and possibly for the first time heard how I truly ‘feel’ their love and support.
Taking extra time this morning to process what ‘mistakes’ have meant to me gave me new insights. I am so glad I considered them more deeply and found a way to ‘connect’ with my husband and children.
Dr John Maxwell helped me discover the power of fully appreciating mistakes through his teachings & book ‘Failing Forward’. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow.
You know the definition of insanity… “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Before developing his theory of relativity, Albert Einstein encountered hurdles and surprising ‘academic failure’ as he was expelled by one headmaster…another teacher predicted that he would never amount to anything... and failed his College entrance exam.
It is no coincidence that my favourite collection is the Aromatherapy Emotional Touch. A handbag must have!
Fully understanding Forgive has eluded me before and now I can appreciate the power of renewal more. Motivate and Cheer bring freshness and a spark. Console soothes an aching heart. Peace reassures and calms my mind. Passion inspires and excites with spicy aromas.
And for the record, SORRY for all the mistakes I have made, especially for any hurt or pain I may have caused. I will play my part to forgive and heal and hope you will play yours.
If you sense me in your heart or consciousness know that you are in mine.
Love Katie 💛