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Living with Depression

You have every reason to be happy, but you feel the opposite. You’re not coping, and simple tasks in everyday life or just concentrating properly feels like a struggle. Unsure what to do you soldier on but know something is amiss. As a woman juggling changing priorities, working, parenting, managing the home, keeping up appearances, being positive etc takes its toll.  Even with attempts to ‘snap out of it’ or persevere in the hope things will change or getting professional support you realise you need help.

Eventually you succumb, without too much fuss Doc prescribes some ‘meds’ to help you cope. Slowly the medication takes effect and you feel more in control, rather pleased to finally have some balance and get to feel ‘normal’ again. What a relief!

Some days are good whilst others are only okay. The ‘meds’ are helping but there is still discontent. You question and doubt yourself: What are the side effects? Is it me or is it the situation I’m in? You seek answers… google, perhaps a counsellor or some natural therapies... its endless, yearning to be happy and not on medication.

It takes so much effort to put on a cheerful face when you are feeling lousy. Life is like a roller-coaster or being dumped in the surf, wave after wave. You learn new strategies to cope:  you hide behind the big dark sunnies; retreat a little more; drink quietly and more excessively; and gradually you care less about yourself and everyone around you. Any pleasure and release from a few, often too many, drinks are short lived as the downhill cycle goes on … feeling worthless, later nights, talking to those who will listen, blaming everyone & everything for your woes, less sleep, poor diet and so on. Demotivated, down and generally not feeling ‘yourself’ anymore. 

Speaking civilly towards partner or loved ones takes effort, as does getting to the shops and cooking a proper meal. One way or another you aren’t coping, in fact it is easier to not get up but some days you must, especially for children or to get to work. You’d prefer to live under a rock and not be seen by anyone. If you do get up it takes a lot of energy just to dress properly, you are easily triggered or teary, preferring to avoid people and events. You hit the wine or grog at any given chance, every night, regardless of the children or company you keep, roaming about aimlessly, sometimes with a close friend who will either lend an ear or join in coz you’re both not coping. Then the sneaky ciggies come into play… it feels good to unwind and off-load while you keep the glasses topped up.

Whatever is going on your mental dialogue keeps questioning and doubting. It’s like an inner voice, insidious and unexpected, sabotaging who you are and what you are doing, even when you make attempts to ‘try harder’ or ‘be more positive’ or seek alternative remedies and guidance.

And why do you wish you weren’t taking anti-depressants? Is it the shame? Does it matter what others think? 

Although daily life is better there is the niggling thought in the back of your mind… It really bothers you… thoughts like “Why do I need to be on medication?” “What is wrong with me?” “Is it suppressing the real me?” 

Your mind is constantly questioning: “What will they think?” “Do I tell them or not? Will they judge me”… to… “oh I don’t care, it is what it is” but a fear kicks in and you hesitate… Or do you take a leap of faith to share what is really going on, whilst wondering which way the conversation will go.. “Will they accept me?” Or “Will they judge me?” It feels shaky. It is nerve racking and the panic sets in.

It really hurts when loved ones offer their ideas which only make you feel less understood or they aren’t giving you the compassion or empathy you hoped for. More reason to withdraw. Often, you conclude ‘no one really understands or believes me’. You feel more isolated and lonelier than ever.

In the quiet reflective moments, you know you are ‘better’ taking anti-depressants but for how long? You change the dosage or the type depending on how effective... years go by… it becomes a part of you yet there is still that inner voice questioning and somehow knowing ‘I can’t go on like this forever’. 

Could there be other solutions, but you just don’t know what they are yet? You really start to wonder if a lifetime on anti-depressants and this roller-coast is it! Whilst feeling less connected to yourself and those that you hold dearest. You know it is a slippery slope but what choice do you have? Do you surrender to it or do you find a better way?

What is worse, playing it safe with a dependence on synthetic medicine to keep life on track or finding an alternative so you can live a full life and express yourself openly and wholly? Living with the niggling inner voice saying ‘the prescription drugs are okay but you are not really living the life you dreamed of, nor will you enjoy what you deserve and believe is achievable’ is a reoccurring dilemma. Deep down you want to shine bright, be vibrant and show your unique sparkle to the world but your whole being, and aura is barely showing any signs of light.

For me, that is how it was for 10 years until I was introduced to a natural alternative. Slightly sceptical to start but willing to try, and in tandem with Doctor’s advice, I gradually incorporated essential oils into my daily life… the positive changes blew me away.. I’m calmer, motivated, enthusiastic, wanting to read a book and constantly improving my well-being. Life has a whole new outlook and I no longer require the Doctor’s prescription.  

Throughout this process I realised many things, primarily the anti-depressants were addressing the symptoms not the root cause. Unbeknown to me I was also expecting too much of myself and others, as well as looking for external approval, happiness, acceptance and support. When I started to address my own views, beliefs and relationship with myself that is when things started to change for the better. Simple shifts and better choices.

It has truly been a revelation and blessing to discover the powerful healing qualities of essential oils and reconnect with myself. No more confusion or sense of worthlessness. I’ve learnt how important it is to take care of my own health and wellbeing. For me it has been a journey of Mental Hell-ness to Mental Well-ness one (1) drop/step at a time, and I’m here to help you do the same.

Today I feel more alive than ever and I want that for you too. I’m truly grateful for all the people, lessons and experiences along the way. In some ways I’m just getting started and feel incredibly passionate about educating you, and other women, on the impact of chemicals (aka toxins) on our hormones and the importance of self-worth, self-love and self-care so we can fully love, nurture and support those that depend on us. 

Yes, others depend on us, so we need to be taking care of ourselves more than ever! When we are out of kilter, we really are off balance and possibly unaware of why. 

It’s exciting to be on a health happy path, with more grace and ease.


Comments (1)

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Belinda

Mar 22, 2019 01:19 AM AEST

Beautiful message that sadly, so many can relate too. Congrats Katie on your incredible transformation. With no prompting post your live just now, you have such a gift, and your future, thanks to being introduced to the incredible oils, os so so bright. Just how you looked today, very pretty, and very natural and with an incredible ability to share so naturally. Your unique, and I am so proud to call you my very dear friend. Friends like you, do not come along every day XXXX

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